i.
I admit that sometimes I want you.
ii.
I admit that sometimes I watch you from the corner of my eye, watch you to make sure you are watching me as I smile at someone else. I laugh effortlessly, stretch, sweep back my hair, and hope that to you it looks real.
On days like this, every movement I make is calculated, designed to taunt you. On days like this I am weak, worthless, easily conquered--one touch, one glance would ruin me. And then I look at you again and want to be conquered.
iii.
I admit that you make me breathe faster. My lungs respond to your nearness with panic because to me you are a threat. You are a predator, you are dangerous, you are a reason for adrenaline. Human bodies perform better when they are afraid and I am afraid (of what you do to me) of you.
iv.
I admit that I believe we are a possibility, because you are beautiful and I am beautiful and together we would be explosive. Once I heard someone say that we should be together, and secretly my body said "yes".
v.
But I admit that my mind said "no".
vi.
I admit that I know you are wrong for me. I admit that you tear me down, you attack the cracks in the walls I have built and you destroy me with iron words. My self-esteem is a poorly made castle, and you are the invention of cannons. You are everything my fragile confidence does not need.
vii.
I admit that I am some of the things you call me. Your insults are brutal but not always wrong-sometimes you are right and I am really that (fat)(ugly)(stupid) imperfect.
viii.
I admit that it does not matter. I can be as imperfect as I want and you still cannot treat me the way you do.
ix.
I admit that want is not enough if there is no respect, and you do not respect me. The worst part is how I know that sometimes you want me too, and really that just makes it more tragic.
x.
I admit that I deserve better. You are not beautiful enough for me to overlook your cruelty and your failings. You are as broken as I am and less beautiful, because at least I am kind. You can want me forever and it will never be enough, because I am out of your reach.
I--deserve--better. And we will never be together.














Comments
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Im here to tell you there are angels and demons among us. Those bedtime stories you were told, the bumps in the night you heard: they're all true. Every damn movie about werewolves and vampires dueling it out All real.
-Mimi-
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At the final stage, you can't help but wonder if it was ever worth it. I think, though, we need these things in order to show us when the truly good things come our way.
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Life is all about timing
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-patpat-
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"to communicate heartbreak in writing takes talent," she whispers, her fingers in his hair. "a good writer can make her readers cry."
--
PeanutButterBananaSamich's
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Cookie is a little girl who wears her red locks in four pig tails, a deep emerald dress that ends at her shins, green velvet Mary Janes and did I mention she hates Cookies?(:
Yes, I'm fine. He's not that important to me, thankfully. :'D
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"to communicate heartbreak in writing takes talent," she whispers, her fingers in his hair. "a good writer can make her readers cry."
But you're right, even if you are imperfect (we all are) that doesn't give him the right to tear you down. You're such a strong girl. <33 You're becoming such a strong woman! -proud momma voice-
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I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed, and that necessary.
Thank you for this.
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"I think I must have one of those faces you can't help believing."
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~ChocoReaperFans
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
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